my blog posts are so infrequent now, mostly because life is running at such a nonstop pace. it's a good thing--my life is endlessly full, and I love it that way. for a while there, I was successfully balancing family, friends, boyfriend, work, life with God; and then, this month, everything has been thrown out of balance for no particular reason. it's been heavy on work, heavy on boyfriend, middling on family, and light on friends, and, most frustratingly, light on God.
it was bothering me, this falling off the map, this feeling that I was letting life happen to me rather than living it with intentionality. and then, today, everything clicked.
my closet introvert is once again demanding attention, and I've been ignoring it.
work is just busy and crazy and needs to be done, so there's been lots of that. and it's draining me more than usual because I've gone so long without being truly alone. this is probably the longest I've gone without hitting a wall, which is mostly thanks to Rob--he's a place of rest for me; no other person gives me such a sense of peace, a sense of home and being and quietness. being with him recharges me, so I've been able to handle more of nonstop life for longer.
but today I finally realized I need to stop for a second and breathe. so I finally chose a night of quietness and being alone, and I am so relieved. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I chose it, and then I felt as though this burden was being lifted. peace. quiet. reflecting, relaxing, feeling like my time is my own. time to recenter. I may disconnect a bit more than usual for the next couple of weeks, just to find that balance again. I want to get back to spending reflecting time with God rather than reading a rushed chapter before collapsing into bed. to not letting so much time pass between seeing or talking to friends. and I should probably listen to my closet introvert a little more often, which is what I say every time this happens, but my extrovert self is a lot louder and more fun :).
